Someone has said that to approach this passage is like approaching those areas in medieval maps that showed uncharted or dangerous territory.  These were marked “Here There Be Dragons.”  “Wives be subject to your husbands” elicits a wide range of reactions, I’m sure.  What does “head” mean in this passage?  What does leadership look like in the kingdom of God?  Why doesn’t Paul condemn slavery?  Is the Bible condoning slavery, as some have said in the past, when we read “Slaves obey your masters”?

Perhaps the reason these verses illicit such reactions is that they speak to how our closest relationships are lived out.  We’re in the second half of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, and Paul is talking pointedly about what being “in Christ” means.  Here Paul is talking about what being in Christ means in the family unit – a building block of Roman society and arguably any society.  Husbands and wives.  Parents and children.  Masters and slaves, who were part of the family unit in Paul’s day.  We might think of the latter in terms of employees/employers.  We’re all familiar with such relationships and live in them for bad or good. 

At the heart of Paul’s message here is this question – “As people who are in Christ, what are our responsibilities to one another?”  Let us ask for God’s help as we look at God’s word for us this morning.

All of the instruction that Paul gives in the latter half of his letter is rooted and grounded in the truths of which Paul has reminded us in the first half of his letter.  You have been adopted into the family of God according to the good pleasure of his will; sealed with the Holy Spirit; called to live for the praise of his glory; brought from death to life; made one as the church in Christ, unified though not uniform; gifted differently by God that we may all be equipped to live for the praise of God’s glory. Remember the good news of which we were reminded last week: Christ has forgiven you.  Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.

1. Then.  Be careful how you live, making the most of the time, because the days are evil.  Do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.  Paul follows this with a call to be filled with the Holy Spirit.  Do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery; but be filled with the Holy Spirit as you…

Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves

Singing and making melody to the Lord in your hearts

Giving thanks to God the Father at all times and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ

Being subject to one another, or placing yourselves under one another, out of reverence for Christ.  This is for all who are in Christ, who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness.  And being found in human form, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death – even death on a cross.  Who told his followers “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones are tyrants over them.  It will not be so among you, but whoever wishes to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you must be your slave; just as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many”

So let us begin there.  Subjection.  Submitting.  Willfully and voluntarily yielding in love, not because one is forced.  Leadership. None of these things are about domineering, passivity, insisting on having one’s own way.  Paul is addressing people in the church here who did not hold status in the wider society.  It would have been amazing to women, children and slaves that he was addressing them at all.  You all have worth.  You all have value.  You all have agency.  None of this is about inequality.  Inequality was the view of the wider society. This is what Aristotle had to say regarding women: “It is part of the household science to rule over wife and children . . . for the male is by nature better fitted to command than the female.”  This is Josephus on women: “The woman, says the Law, is in all things inferior to the man. Let her accordingly be submissive, not for her humiliation, but that she may be directed; for the authority has been given by God to the man.” 

None of this is about inequality, being domineering or subjugation.  It will not be so among you!  Is Paul a chauvinist?  When Paul talked about authority in marriage he said, “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.” He goes on!  “Likewise the husband does not authority over his own body, but the wife does.”  (1 Cor 7:4) It will not be so among you!  “There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female, for all of you, are one in Christ Jesus.”  The markers by which we are divided; the markers with which we would place ourselves in hierarchical levels of importance; they are erased in Christ.

So Paul talks to wives and he talks to husbands.  Wives be subject to your husbands as you are subject to the Lord.  Not because you’re forced to.  There is much discussion and much disagreement about the meaning of “head” here in v 23.  Does it mean leader?  Does it mean source?  Is it somewhere in between?  If “leader”, is Paul naming the husband as leader for all time/circumstances/cultures?  I believe faithful saints can disagree here.  What do I think?  I think leadership is fluid.  In our own marriage, Nicole or I will take leadership in different aspects of our lives.  We may consider leadership in terms of “Who gets the final say?”  I would say that when it comes to a matter in which a final say is needed, we should remember that we are surrounded by married saints to whom we can go for prayerful advice and counsel.  Preparing for today I read a story of a young pastor and his wife whose wedding gift cash total was $3,000.  This was in 1984.  The husband wanted to spend it on a home computer.  The wife wanted to backpack through Europe for two months, as a honeymoon.  Both solid ideas.  The husband tells of taking a walk and hearing “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her.”  He went home and told his wife that he thought they should go to Europe.  She told him “We can look for ways to save up for a computer.”  The trip was so long in planning that they ended up getting the computer before they went! 

This is the other side of the coin of subjection or submitting.  Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.  Self-sacrificing love that seeks nothing but the good of the other.  This holds true no matter how we interpret this passage.  I want us to pay attention to the analogy that Paul is making between a husband and wife, and Christ and his church.  They are one body.  “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh,” as Adam put it.  Bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.  “No one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church because we are members of his body.  For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”  Not subsumed, any more than we are subsumed as individuals in the church.  Remember unified, not uniform.  We’re not talking about a loss of identity or personhood or selfhood.  One writer described married life rather beautifully in this way: “Each personality is enlarged by the inclusion of the other, ideally effecting the perfect blending of two separate lives into one. Continuity with the old personality is not broken, but the radical transformation resulting from the intimate personal encounter creates a new self.”  This is a great mystery, says Paul, and I am applying it to Christ and the church.  We are all of us made one in Christ.  Live in love, as Christ loved us, and gave himself up for us.  Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. All of us.  Be imitators of God, as beloved children.

Speaking of children, Paul is talking to them too!  They’re part of this family too.  “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”  Listen to your parents' kids.  Honour them.  This looks different as we go through life, of course.  Honour your parents.  Be in touch.  What does it mean to honour our elder parents?  So that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.  Not a guarantee of long life, because there are no such guarantees.  Wisdom, rather, concerning how to live well, or live in love.  Fathers (and mothers too), do not provoke your children to anger.  Do not exasperate your children as this can be translated.  Think of all the ways parents can exasperate their children.  Someone has listed them: • unreasonable demands for perfection • constant nagging over minor infractions • not leaving room for freedom of expression and personal growth • lack of encouragement and affirmation • harsh, unloving rebukes or cruelty • public embarrassment • verbal or physical abuse • inconsistent discipline • showing favouritism for one child over another • unfair or extreme discipline that doesn’t match the offence • overprotective hovering that stifles growth.  Bring them up rather, in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.  As we know from infant dedications, this is the job of all of us in the church.

Paul is reflecting the social standing of the people to whom he’s writing.  At the same time, in Christ, he’s rejecting it.  Why doesn’t Paul condemn slavery outright?  We must begin to answer this question with the following truth. In God’s story, in the conflict between oppressors and oppressed, God is always on the side of the oppressed.  Paul is not a 19th-century abolitionist (though had he lived in the 19^th century I’m sure he would have been).  Slavery in Roman times was different from North American chattel slavery with which we are familiar.  It was not based on race.  Slaves were often treated as members of the household (hence their inclusion here in the Christian household).  They could be released from slavery.  This is not to excuse it.  Any system that is dehumanizing is reprehensible.  Paul is not speaking against slavery as part of the Roman economic system, but he’s certainly sowing the seeds for its demise.  In the social strata in which slaves lived, it would have been amazing that Paul was addressing them at all.  You’re in this too.  You have a seat at God’s table too.  How to be faithful to Christ in the system in which you live?  Subvert it.  Remember to whom you truly belong.  “Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, in singleness of heart, as you obey Christ; not only while being watched, and in order to please them, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart.  Render service with enthusiasm, as to the Lord and not to men and women, knowing that whatever good we do, we will receive the same again from the Lord, whether we are slaves or free.”

Masters, so the same to them.  Render service with enthusiasm?  Why not??  Things are upside down in the kingdom of God.  It was common practice to incentivize slaves with threats of beatings, being sold, death even.  It will not be so among you!  Stop threatening them, for you know that both of you have the same Master in heaven, and with him there is no partiality. 

In Christ, there is no slave or free.  God is always on the side of the oppressed, and one day when all is gathered up in Christ, all oppression shall cease.  In what ways might the church be called to speak against and act against systems that dehumanize? 

To be in Christ together is for all of life.  We’ve talked about how work may be done for the praise of God’s glory.  To make God’s ways known.  This is for front-line staff, supervisors, managers, CEO’s.  Here’s a paraphrase of Paul’s words:

Employees, obey your earthly bosses with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favour when their eye is on you but as employees of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Work wholeheartedly, as if you were working for the Lord, not people because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are employees or bosses. Bosses, treat your employees in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Boss and yours is in heaven, and there is no favouritism with him.

Dear saints.  Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.  We are one in Christ.  Christ is in us.  May this be true be evident in our households. May God enable us to live in love, in every aspect of our lives.  May this be true for all of us.